finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
