I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
