Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
