Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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