Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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