Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
