i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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