Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
