jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
