My sheets look like a crime scene.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
