Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
