do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
