Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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