I love black thongs
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
