O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
