So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
