when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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