I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
