And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
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thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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