I don't think brook has ever known best
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
