so let's talk penis.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
