why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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