But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
