Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize