Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
