u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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