That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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