I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
