he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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