I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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