don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
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I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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