You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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