im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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