WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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