Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How's work?
Spinning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
