Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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