It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
