I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
