I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize