Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
