i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
