dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize