watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
