So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
