Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
