I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
