I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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