you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
