I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize