I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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