Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
