just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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