My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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