Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
