I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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