At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
