butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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