i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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