WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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