also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
