He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
