Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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