My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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