I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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