Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
