I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
