I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
