Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
