my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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