She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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