Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
