The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Farmville is her only friend.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
