there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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