happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
