I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
