we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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