If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
