So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
