The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
