I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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