is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
