To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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