Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
