it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
