Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
