dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
