Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
